overcoming self-criticism

tonight, at our FSM night of consecration, shelley hundley spoke to us about turning to Jesus in every situation, regardless of what that might be. one misconception i think that the is under is that Jesus is mad at us for sinning and is disgusted with our weakness. but the reality is that he deals with it so tenderly and lovingly. i guess this disception comes from the fact that, in His shoes, most of us would be angry at us for sinning, and so we translate that into, “if i would be mad at me, God must definently be mad at me. but it’s simply not true. i couldn’t find it, but i think its in Job where God says something along the lines of, ” you thought i was altogether like you”. 

for the longest time, i’ve been very self critical. i am in no way a perfectionist, i find myself far to often face-down on the floor to be under that delusion. and i probably haven’t ever vocalized it, but i often kick myself over and over again for fairly trivial mistakes. but tonight, that all changed. after the message, the lord began to set people free of perfectionism and the the self criticism for the lack thereof. i really got dealt with about not viewing myself throught my own carnal viewpoint but through God’s eyes. i’m going to be seeking after His opinion and throwing my own to the side. it just doesn’t matter what i think, because i can’t see the whole picture.

side note to any worship leaders: if i’m crying in worship or at an alter call, it means you’re doing an absolutely phenomenal job. if i’m not, you’re (probably) still doing an outstanding work, but i’m just lost in an ADD moment or something.

one of the foundational things i learned tonight is the difference between conviction and condemnation. the two tend to be used synonymously, but, at least in the Kingdom, they’re not. the Holy Spirit will never condemn you, at least in this age. judgement day is the only time that i understand to be when Jesus condemns people. on the other hand, satan will always try to condemn you, or to get you to do it yourself. there’s something about condemnation thats rather final. it’s typically harsh, and you’ll know the reasons for it. but conviction is completely different (when it comes from God. i’ve had people try to convict me in my face, but it more comes across as condemnation). it is gentle. it comes out of a heart that would see you achieve your best. every time i feel either of those two, i’m usually confused as to which it is. and i think i’ve got a decent way of telling tonight. lets say that you feel remorseful about yelling at someone earlier in the day. if that little voice inside is all up in your grill about how horrible you are and all the times you’ve done that before and how you’ll never be able to stop, thats condemnation. it is accusing, demeaning and you will be able to feel that you’re worse off than you were before you felt remorse. but if that little voice inside says, you know, you really shouldn’t have done that, you will do better next time… see how gentle that is? thats conviction, and its the Holy Spirit.

(some of the spelling here’s so bad, spell check can’t even help. wow. condemning.)